Not Just A Blog On Fitness

This blog is not going to just be about weight loss although that is one of my biggest goals of the moment. Not just losing weight but regaining my health. 

Here is a journal entry I made in July 2012:

July 7^th 2012

I find myself at 50's door in 4 months and I have not been heavier. I long to feel energetic. I really want to ride a bike so bad. I am so not happy where I am right now. How does one even begin to get fit at 50. I want to be athletic again. I want to write about this journey in hope of maybe helping people my age who want to get super fit again. I know it's possible. I just do not know how to begin.

Part of it starts with the food. Still love the sweet stuff and munching on chips. But still too, I love fruits and veggies. Such a contrast. So in the last 3 months I have lost and gained 18 lbs. The first 9lbs I lost by going on a 500 calorie diet and HCG drops. Lost 9 gained in back. The second time losing 9lbs was the wonderful Atkins plan. And of course I gained it back. I finally decided I can't do another fad or starvation diet. So about two weeks ago I joined Weight Watchers. I weighed in and the lady as she was weighing says here's a number you will not see again. Yeah right I thought. I have not been back to go weigh in after I purchased a 11 week coupon book. I just can't get started. Our yummy catered in twice a week lunches do not help. Nor does the gorp as I call it, nuts, m&m's and raisins.

I was just reading my weight loss journal I started in 2010, at that time I weighed the same and was doing an Arbonne cleanse. That was horrible. Did the usual game of losing about 12lbs and then of course gaining it back. Yo-Yo dieting is what I have done on and off for the last 40 years. Yes, since I was 10 and had that wonderful defining moment in the ½ size clothing store dressing room. When after trying on clothes that cost way more than other clothes due to the specialty of them my Mom asks why can't I be normal. The defining moment of the start of a horrible body image for years to come.

I am so down as I write this. I feel totally hopeless about ever getting this weight off. It is such an anchor and total torture for someone who loves clothes and loves to dress up. I am physically tired and my knees and hips hurt so much. Just tired! I have cleared energy and worked or tried to work on all levels of engagement and still I feel this roadblock before me.